Miss Exotic World Pageant… Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekend – Part 3

(06/10/2010)

Miss Astrid

My head is still reeling from the night. Such color! Such flair! Such hysterically campy stage-names! I loved it all, and being a judge for the Miss Exotic World Pageant is a mantle I would gladly take-up again, in a minute. Lord knows how I love me some sequin pasties! Also, not since Madeline Kahn’s Academy Award-nominated role as “Lili Von Schtupp – the Teutonic Titwillow” in Mel Brooks’ 1974 laugh-a-minute comedy, Blazing Saddles has there been a more hysterically genius portrayal of a sadistically haughty/naughty German diva than the evening’s sequined eye-patch wearing, costume-changing, soul-singing and disco-dancing, Marlene Dietrich AND James Brown-channeling, Mistress of Ceremonies, Miss Astrid.

Ms Tickle

Judging is harder than it sounds, and the other five judges and I had to rate, on a scale from one to ten, each performer in the following categories: costume, concept/execution, polish, stage presence, movement ability, creativity, entrance and exit, and then any comments if we had them (which I always did, naturally). What’s more – all of this was done in the dark, so we judges were holding our BlackBerries and i-Phones over our score-sheets and circling furiously.

Before I discuss the individual contestants, I want to point-out that it takes a lot of balls to get on-stage and do what these ladies (and a few gentlemen) did. While for the guys it was as much comedy as anything else, for the ladies it was grace and finesse and skill and arousal and art. The lighting and sound alone were intense and precise. The sets in some cases were very ornate, while in others non-existent. And as you will see, some of these ladies spare no expense when it comes to costuming. And while some “purists” will argue that some of the contestants are not doing “striptease” or burlesque in the classic sense (having moved into the realm of performance art), as far as I’m concerned, each of that night’s performers received an A for effort.

Foxy Tann, Miss Astrid and Alotta Boutté

Miss Astrid takes her camp very seriously, and was one of the best emcees I’ve viewed in a long time. One of my favorite bits was when she told of how every woman needs a young male “personal assistant” or, as in her case, three. Hers, named Rusty Trombone, Jack the Stripper, and Street Meat have very specific duties: respectively – “…brushing my hair, fetching me my schnitzel sandwiches, and telling me that my vagina smells like bougainvillea.” As a cleverly distracting interlude to keep the crowd busy, while the counters were tallying our votes, Miss Astrid first did a very throaty rendition of James Brown’s “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” and was then joined onstage by those dual divas of downtown disco, Foxy Tann and Alotta Boutté. The crowd went wild, and people jumped out of their seats and were dancing in the aisles.

The Evil Hate Monkey

Then, the night’s winners were announced and I was delighted to hear/see that many of the judges had voted as had I, so many of those I rated the highest had won. In the “Debut” category (which just meant that the performer had never competed at this pageant – or, as Miss Astrid so eloquently put it “Best Debut just means we don’t know who the f*ck you are.”), it was Ms. Tickle from Brooklyn; “Variety” was awarded to Lola Martinet & Tila von Twirl from Chicago (whom I described as a cross between Betty Crocker and Betti Paige); “Group” went to the Chicago Starlets; and “Boylesque” went to The Evil Hate Monkey of Baltimore.

Miss Exotic 2 Roxy DLite - Windsor, Canada4

Roxi DLite

In the superlative categories, “Most Dazzling” went to Ms. Tickle, as did “Most Innovative” while “Most Classic” was awarded to San Diego’s Mimi LeMeaux, and “Most Comical” went to The Evil Hate Monkey. The 2nd Runner-Up for Miss Burlesque Hall of Fame was Nastie Canasta of Brooklyn; the 1st Runner-Up trophy went home to Los Angeles with Kristina Nekyia; and at night’s end (after she wowed the crowd with a blockbuster performance to Dame Shirley Bassey’s rendition of P!nk’s “Get The Party Started”) last year’s winner, Kalani Kokonuts, presented the trophy and crown for Miss Burlesque Hall of Fame 2010 to Roxi DLite of Windsor, Canada (who presented Kalani with a bottle of Grey Goose Vodka).

Kalani Kokonuts

Even though I just can’t show all of the images I took that night (because there are literally hundreds), below are some I felt you just couldn’t live without. I’ve broken them up by category.

But fear not! All of that night’s images will soon be available for viewing, in an album on the Gallery Page.

And as a cautionary note, while I'm as mesmerized by a pair of twirling pasties as much as the next fella, please remember: it's only fun until someone puts out an eye!

Enjoy, and get into it!

DEBUT