I Didn't Leave Home Without My American Express, But I Forgot My Chinese Visa

Now, I pride myself on my life-long ability to get myself to where I need to go when I need to get there.  Unfortunately, my faculties have finally failed me, and it is rather embarrassing – but (as with everything in my life) I’ve found that if I can turn the experience into a fun anecdote, then it’s all for the best.  As should be apparent to most people, a Visa issued by the Chinese government is required of American travelers visiting that country.  Since the cruise I’m on includes stops in Shanghai and Xiamen, then it just stands to reason that a Chinese Visa would be necessary. 

Well, guess what.  I neglected to get one.  To add insult to injury, Jacob made a point of asking if there were any special immunizations or documents we might need for our trip and I shined him on in a most condescending manner.  “Oh no.  Don’t be silly.  That’s so cute, you novice traveler, you…” and stuff like that.  So, once we boarded the ship and were told “Uhm, you do realize that without your Chinese Visa, you will not be able to disembark in Shanghai or Xiamen,” we decided that first thing in the morning we would make a beeline to the Chinese Embassy and throw ourselves on their mercy. 

Again – wasted trip, but funny story.  So we get to the Chinese Embassy in Singapore, which is not at all what I expected.  It was lovely.  A beige granite building with falling water cascading down its walls and dignified statuary of dragons, it was modern and chic.  There was already a line to get into the Consulate when we arrived at 8:45am, and (being Singapore) it was particularly humid.  It was at this point that Jacob pointed out that perhaps wearing a Burberry poncho and lots of flashy jewelry was not the best approach with a beaurocratic entity, but it was too late for that, now.  The line moved with incredible swiftness, once the doors were open, and we were marched in a single file line past uniformed soldiers, through a metal detector, and up a flight of stairs with a wall hung with pictographic signs admonishing the use of speaking, photos, cellular phone, filming, eating, or smoking.  I, of course, spoke the entire time, but at least I used a stage whisper.  So, we get to the main room, and I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it was really just a very clean version of the DMV with comfortable chairs and plasma screen TVs done in browns and taupes.  We found the line for the expedited Visas, but were informed that since it was Friday we would most likely not receive our Visas until Tuesday. 

Well, at least we tried.  So, we returned to the ship.  We had the Global Services Department of the American Express’ Centurion Concierge try with the Chinese Consulate in Manila, but it was a similar situation.  So, we won’t make it off the ship in Shanghai (I mean really, Xiamen?  Who cares?).  I look at it this way – my friend Jacopo can come aboard and visit us, there’s always time to return (I mean, Shanghai isn’t going anywhere), the flagship Shanghai Tang boutique is actually in Hong Kong, and for the next 50 years, Jacob has an unassailable “out” in any argument we have, wherein I could be bitching about something, say “I can’t believe you forgot to pick-up Sammy at the groomer!” and all he has to do is say “Well, I can’t believe we flew halfway around the world, and for two days, all I got to see of Shanghai was from our veranda!”