Frankly, I thought most of the fashions seen at the Oscars were safe, boring, or blah.  They made me sad.  Unfortunately, the show itself made me even sadder, but that’s another story.  I’m not saying that everyone has to take a risk or be dripping in diamonds, but for Pete’s sake – IT’S THE FRIGGIN ACADEMY AWARDS!  This is not the time to be safe.  Pull out the stops, not to mention the good jewelry.  Lord knows, if you’re gonna be on the red carpet at the Oscars, you should have no problem scoring a cute frock and some matching rocks.  They might not be yours forever, but the pictures will be – so live it up!

Anyhow, here are my cheers and jeers:

Brava to Octavia Spencer for sticking with Tadashi Shoji and looking every bit like the movie star she is.  And thanks to Jennifer Lopez for not-quite flashing some nip and still being radiant in Zuhair Murad.  It almost makes up for that Fiat fiasco.  (Almost...)  Jessica Chastain, how we love thee; and in Alexander McQueen and Harry Winston, we adore thee!  Rachel Smith was a vision in pleated purple chiffon by Pamela Roland.  Gwyneth Paltrow was a paean to high-WASP realness; and Viola Davis made fabulous use of her natural assets in Vera Wang and Lorraine Schwartz.

Leslie Mann was gorge in Roberto Cavalli; Stacy Kiebler looked resplendent in gold lame Marchesa; Cameron Diaz was perfectly Cameron Diaz-y in Gucci Première and virtually dripping in Tiffany & Co. diamonds; Milla Jovovich in Elie Saab looked all supermodel glam; and Rose Byrne in a midnight blue backless Vivienne Westwood with Chanel Haute Joaillerie was hot-hot; while Penélope Cruz looked like a princess in Armani Privé.

And while the rest of the world might disagree, I think Rooney Mara, Michelle Williams, and Kristen Wiig all need to fire their stylists, immediately.  Mara looked washed-out in a sheer white Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci gown that drew the eyes down and away from her gorgeous face and long neck; Williams’ burnt-orange Louis Vuitton dress of silk mousseline and organza ribbons wore her (and not the other way around), and Kristen Wiig’s J. Mendel was so understated that it was a snooze, and was in sore need of some tasteful bedazzling.  Plus, I thought Angelina Jolie’s black velvet Atelier Versace with its up-to-there slit made her look so wan and frail that I thought she might collapse.

Also, I know I live in Las Vegas, where the concept of age-appropriate dressing is virtually nonexistent, but someone needs to take those two girls from The Descendants and put them in something made for a pre-menopausal woman.  Those Valentino dresses were exquisite, but for Marie-Helene de Rothschild, circa 1973; not for a pair of girls not yet able to drink.  On the other hand, both Meryl Streep (in Lanvin and Fred Leighton) and Glenn Close (in Zac Posen) were dressed like 60-something movie stars should be - and looked terrific.

Who were my faves?  I think Alexandra Lamy and Jean Dujardin were the evening’s most handsome couple; the always natty Pharrell Williams looked sharp as a blade; and Emma Stone was perfection in Giambattista Valli Haute Couture with jewelry by Louis Vuitton.

Oscars 2012
Red Carpet Fashions

Get into it!