Comedian George Wallace
Who better to sound-off on such matters as Tiger Woods' "indiscretions" and Sarah Palin's book, than "The New Mr. Vegas" himself, comedian and social commentator George Wallace? Following is my interview with the man whose show at The Flamingo has been called "the best 10pm show in Vegas."
ShulmanSays: Why is Las Vegas such a good fit for your brand of humor?
George Wallace: This is the laugh capital of the world! You fly into Las Vegas International Airport, and let's get one thing straight, the only thing international in Las Vegas is the House of Pancakes.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas: If you don't believe me, ask OJ.
When you take a taxi from the airport, your cab fare is always higher than your airfare.
It's too damn hot in Vegas! The heat affects your thinking. 115 degrees at midnight, but with the wind chill factor it does drop down to 108, and then you'll need a sweater.
SS: How do you gear-up for a White Christmas?
GW: You have got to be kidding. I'm from the East. There's no white Christmas in Vegas. You might consider it a green Christmas. It's all about money!
"The New Mr. Vegas" - George Wallace
All the jewelry store commercials tell men "A diamond will make a great stocking stuffer." Ladies, if a man buys you a diamond, he's got a lot more on his mind then stuffing your stocking.
SS: What's your take on this whole Tiger Woods situation?
GW: Tiger teed off one time too many, this time. That's the power of the kitty kat. We thought it was one lady… Turns out it was 10ish. He went down to Australia and had some fun. When he returned home, Elin was waiting with a 9-iron. "I've got your down-under, right here" she said. Now we know that Tiger is not the only one in that house who knows how to use a club. You go, Elin! Tiger was tapping everything. The mother-in-law came over from Sweden… Tiger even tapped that! Elin heard about it… Beat the shit out of her mother and sent her to the hospital. Tiger has women coming out of the WOOD WORKS. He may be a great golfer, but he's definitely not a smooth playa. Even the weakest playa knows to carry more than one cell phone.
SS: What are your thoughts about Sarah Palin's book being on the best-seller list?
George Wallace for President?
GW: I bought Sarah Palin's book 2 weeks ago. The book is getting bigger. Oh, the book is now pregnant. Sarah Palin being President? As the old people would say, that makes as much sense as having an ash tray on a motorcycle.
SS: What're your favorite things about living in Las Vegas?
GW: The people, the places, and the things.
The people are the best. They come from all over America to Sin City to let it all hang out. People in Vegas think that when a traffic light turns yellow, it means speed up – you can make it! People are happy. At anytime of the year Christmas lights are up and on.
Geoge Wallace loves Vegas
The places. International themes – the pyramids, Eiffel Tower, Monte Carlo, Brooklyn Bridge and I don't know where the Imperial Palace fits in. The best restaurants! My favorite for the money is Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris Hotel. Second best would be El Pollo Loco.
The things. Divas, cowboys, and Circus Circus. You try to roll your dice at Circus Circus and there's monkeys and shit flying all over the place. That's how they came up with the name CRAPS!
SS: Do you now consider yourself a "local" Las Vegan?
GW: Oh hell yeah I'm a local! That's why they call me "The New Mr. Vegas!"
I fit right in. People here are crazy. I'm just as crazy. This is the only place in the world you will sit at a traffic light for 15-20 minutes. Last year I did my taxes sitting there, waiting for the light to change.
The people are crazy in Las Vegas. They opened an Ethiopian restaurant here, the other day. I didn't know they even had food in Ethiopia. What little food they have, I guess they're bringing it over here. They must be doing pretty good business though. Everything I ordered, they were out. How about this? "We're out." How about that? "We're out." How about some water? "We're out." Guess what? I'm out!
George Wallace loves Las Vegas
We have a funny mayor. We have beautiful women. We have 24 hour banks (casinos). We have auto racing, the rodeo (Why not? This city already smells like a cow pen), adult porn convention, the world's greatest shows and best of all we have more churches than any city in America! They even have slot machines in the churches. You pull the handle, seven bibles pop up, and you win the collection plate. AMEN!
This is George Wallace, "The New Mr. Vegas." I love you, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it!
George Wallace can be seen in The Flamingo Showroom at The Flamingo Las Vegas from Tuesday, December 15th – Saturday, December 19th.
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